We’ve been at Bloorview for 3 months now. Going home Thursday.
Going home anxiety is in OVERDRIVE. The reality that I’m not taking home a kid that’s all better is hitting HARD.
To the point where I got dizzy and nauseous because I feel like it’s just too much. Normally we come home with a kid that’s basically back to baseline. Now we’re coming home with a child that isn’t, while also having to basically do everything on our own and not able to get a mental relief by spending time with people – thanks Covid.
It’s just all hitting really hard.
Obviously I’m looking forward to going home but HOLY **** I did not expect it to affect me this much and this bad. I’m a wreck.
Coming home will make this so much more real, permanent, long term. And I’m not okay with that. I know we CAN do it and at the end of the day we’ll be okay but right now, I just don’t feel like dealing with any of it, especially on our own.
Just having a major moment over here, but really, this shit is hard (and it’s allowed to be). It doesn’t make us any less capable of dealing with things. It makes us human. Parents who love our kids and who are crushed by what they’re going through. By what we’re all going through.
For medical families who finally get to go home, it’s not always this magical moment. Yes, it’s magical, because we get to take our child home, but the fear, anxiety, change, “what if’s” are all extremely real too. Going from lots of constant support to not, is hard. You no longer have someone to ask questions to, bounce ideas off of, help you just steps away. Your child is now your full responsibility. Your decisions now matter more than ever. It’s daunting. Exciting, yet daunting.
Going home after you’ve been in the hospital for an extended period of time is not easy, and that is okay.
So I’m asking for prayer. To help with this transition. It’s going to be a lot. So please pray. Check in. Send us a message. Be there, we need you. Please don’t forget about us just cause we’ll be home. Home doesn’t mean things will magically be all better, the journey and struggle continue and we can’t do it alone.