Yep, 19 months is how long it took to finally make a batch of Spaghetti. I have been avoiding making Spaghetti like it’s the Plague, and I’m not even exaggerating. Why? Because Spaghetti is the meal that was being prepared when our world came crashing down. Water sitting on the Stove, a pack of Spaghetti Noodles on the counter, waiting to be cooked.
It was hard.
To say the least. From the moment I put that water on the Stove till the leftovers were put away, I felt my heart racing. I refused to leave the Stove throughout the entire cooking process. I just couldn’t. I knew eventually I had to make those dreaded noodles, but I could not walk away, even when Timothy went into the Basement with Shane, and the Pot on the back element while the Stovetop is surrounded by our Guard. Memories came pouring into my head, while I stood there, watching the Spaghetti just lie there, as though they were taunting me. Laughing at how afraid I was of cooking them. It seemed almost pathetic. They’re just noodles after all.
It took me 19 months to gain the courage to make a batch of Spaghetti. I have zero interest in making another one anytime soon, to be honest. The process was painful, and I don’t really want to go through it again anytime soon. I think for now I will be proud of the fact that I made them. I hate the memories that came with the process. I would give anything to forget all that, to go back and change the way things happened. I can’t. This tears me apart, but realistically, I can’t. So, for now, I will celebrate those small things, conquer fear one step at a time.